Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Title: Stupidity..
in life, there are always consequenses to our actions..some may have immediate effect while some on the long run and some times we pay for our mistakes or stupidity in handling things..it cld be due to our inexperience, our ego or the things we try to keep from others knowing..some cld be due to our dilemma..
As a person,im no exception. i made mistakes that i hide or i have secrets that i dont expect ppl to know..the truth is nothing is ever forgotten..whatever that hurts or is too shameful for us..we try to forget it...but the imprint is always there n nothing is ever really forgotten..lets get it out on the open..so that dat "layered" me that ppl always say i am..doesnt follow me..
1) as much as i suceeded in life, my studies..im a failure when it comes to personal relationships..be it wif my family or frds..i was too proud to tell my dad that i loved him all the while bocs he threw me out of the house..i never forget that..i kept evrything inside till his last few breath before telling him i loved him..
personal wise..in the past, those that noe me very well..knows i never had a gf..too shame to admit..i always smile when ppl ask if that my gf.."just a frd"...dats what i would say..bcos its the truth ..but only ppl presumed n assumed that "its more than frd".
family wise..my bro hates me to some extend..i can never communicate with him or have a real talk with him in the past or since dad's gone..u try n try but we can never talk.he goes thru my gf--arfah, to talk to me..
2) siti arfah is my 1st gf..the one and only..the 1st..some1 that i can say is mine..some1 that makes me feel safe opening up to n telling her my weakness....she is my eye in telling me things that i dont see abt myself when i am too blind to see..the voice that tells me not to give up when things get bad..im learning the wonders of love thru this relationship..some thing i never felt past yrs..n im proud to call her my girl, my bestfrd, my partner and my lover..
3)as a leader, when ppl c you as capable..i hide behind my weakeness, lie abt dat weakness-- afraid they would c me as incapable..but i forgot that lying abt it might hurt ppl that we loved unintentionally or directly when truth are known..when i fail, i tell "im ok" to others--- shameful to admit defeat that i have to hide..
4) i still cry when i go to the grave, regrets?.maybei cry alone..not in front of my family..i cried in the toilet when he passed away..something ppl or my family members dont noe..2 yrs..n the hurt of losing him is still there..
enuff said for today..im not feeling too good again..this feverish feeling comes and goes past weeks..b4 i end...piece of advice...
i just want to say that even small things matter at times..things we ignored or might not seem impt to us might be impt to our loved ones..and when you know that you are wrong..admit, apologise and never repeat the same mistakes again..
to all: take care wheneva you are reading it..
to my dear:i love you n you heart is my home..
space out all..
me
Rest My CaSe at 7:15 AM
