Thursday, March 04, 2010
Its been a long while since i last blog..lots of things happened that i dont even know where to start at times. Each day past by, i try to be the best that i can for myself, my wife, my baby..for us basically.
It can stressful to be me when you have tried so hard but unexpected things keep occuring. I dont knwo if its a test for me to overcome my obstacles..they say, HE test us to make us the person HE wants us to be...i pray tat i will overcome all obstacles calmly and smoothly.
at times, it feels like its me agaisnt the world..i have numerous critics saying a lot of harshful words at me..and at times, it feels helpless..only He knows how i swallowed the painful words, swallowed the blames, the pain and much more.
I keep a lot of things. Sleep is not sleep anymore. No one asked me if i ever needed any help. Sice my dad passed away,i been on my own almost everytime. everyone just presumes that i am ok..smiling all the times. the pain of failing is excrutiating. What more, having to swallow painful moments right at the face.
At tis point, im fixing every leak there is..Its slow and at times, some things are just not within my control. I hate it as i like to be in control of a situation. few things have already undergone changes. Business wise, few things are coming up.surprises..cant say it out yet as if things do not work out, it be "BACK AT ME" kinda thing..work wise, well, at times being in the working world is better. we see how that works work. Lil bit of both world wouldnt hurt.
Perserverance is the word..i just want to prove people wrong..for now, i will just fix it.
me
Rest My CaSe at 3:18 PM
Friday, September 25, 2009
Title: SHow me the Money!!!!
"Show me the money!!"..i love that line from the movie Jerry Maguire...everybody knows that line when you talk about the movie Jerry Maguire...well, gotta admit, its one of my all time favourite movie...
Story of a man's struggle when he accidentally quits his job,his love and his one problematic client...heart warming movie...he was sky high before fallling and he started back from basic and struggle thru his one client...no need to say more..cos im sure everyone knows the storyline...
its easy for me to relate to that movie to be honest...a man's struggles with his job when he suddenly needed to start from basic..his frustation and disappointment...cos there are times when we know we try and already work so hard for something but it didnt work out as planned...well, disappointment after disappointment...and its the last thing that one actually want to feel..."Show me the money!!" show me the money!!" yeah..im saying it with all my heart...and yeah i love his sport mentors advices.."if here is empty (he was touching his heart) here doesnt matter..(he refers to his head after that)"..
The good thing about the movie was Jerry Maguire made it eventually..his struggle paid off..they say, if its not all right,then its not the end...somehow, watching that movie again gave hope and glimmer of inspiration...yeah..its true they say, when you're down there, whatever you say doesnt matter...in life,been up there and down as well...and i learn a considerable amount of bitter sweet things of life..life is a wheel..the wheel will turn as long as we have the drive to strive....it will turn...eventually..
space out
me
Rest My CaSe at 10:26 AM
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Title: Show me the money...
Ramadan is almost over..3more days left.this is one Ramadan i wont forget..t reminds me of times when dad wasnt arnd and when times are tuff..Things happened one after another..hurtful words were exchanged and so much emotional,mental, physical and spiritual im tested as well..
i would say that even though some things are a lil disorganised, bit by bit i have begun to settle things down..Van issues as been settled and its back on the road..Im more focus on settling things that are important by prioritising my work. It doesnt matter if i have to work a lil later than usual.I will get things back up and running again and have re-structured certain matters..Budget defesit and others important issues. I will live simply but adequetly and provide adequately till the end of the year just to re-structure finance..just like how the goverment re-sturctures the economy, i re-strcuture mine.
I am much more confident of whats needed to be done and have learn certain important things..While i get important tings done til the end of the yr..some things will run for itself..
this ramadan is indeed a sad one for me..HE knows my silent prayer..Faith, patience and wisdom tested over and over again and I keep reminding myself that HE wont test HIS followers beyond their capabilities.its written in the Quran.
Raya is just few days away, i will get some things done and despite some things stil a lil uncertain, i believe i will be ok. Certain things did hurt but it certainly made me stronger.
To Allah: I did ask for strength and patience and YOU gave me the opportunity to have strength and patience :)
To my wife: I am working hard for us and thank you for your patience..i love you.pls dont ever doubt that..you all i need..i love you.
To all : Sekiranya ade silap and terkasar bahasa, me and my wife take this chance di bulan mulia to mohon maaf..Moga kita semua diberkati rahmat NYA sentiasa..
Selamat Aidilfitri..maaf zahir dan batin..
Space out & assalamualaikum..
me
Rest My CaSe at 11:20 AM
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Title: The High and Low of life
As mentioned, this Ramadan is full of challenges for me..one thing after another..been on the highs of life b4 and now is the low...only He knows what i feel everyday...i pray to Him everday,asking for patience and strength..
For this month, apart from the challenges, a lot of hurtful words were exchanged to me..some having significant impact to point where i dont sleep soo much, i dont eat soo much,talked soo much and those words would keep playing in the head.at times, i feel im going thru depression.the same state when dad was very sick..having to make all the right decisions but carrying the burden of that decision..i rather not drive as i cant focus soo much on the road either..
for 1st time after yrs, i feel im sinking in a quicksand..and for the 1st time,i have to admit, i fall..my wife is being very patient and has been the one to pull me up slowly..that too, i can see wearyness and sadness in her eyes..im sorry she had to go thru this..we will pull thru..the rise will fall and fallen will rise again..life is a wheel they say..
None of what happened and none was expected..now i only have myself and myself to prove again that i can pull this thru...been thru it b4...and will go thru it again..
challenged mental, emotionally and physically..i will not concede when life is testing n pushing me...i will rise again slowly but surely...
to my wife: i love you and thank you from the deepest of my heart..we will pull thru this for sure.
to all,
space out..
me
Rest My CaSe at 10:00 AM
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Title: When the tuff gets going..
i dont come from a wealthy family.neither do i dont grow up with a lot of luxury items around me...i had my 1st nike sneakers when i 17..dat too i bought it from working as a park attendant during my poly school break..my 1st levis at 17 as well.. (if i get the facts right here) also from working as a part time attendant...and believe me i only had my 1st gucci shoe and mont blanc accessories recently.that too, courtesy of my dear wife.. i never step foot inside a designer store till i met my wife and i never bought anything from a designer store till i was wif her as well..laugh if you want too but it was life that taught me that way...i always have the mindset of "if i cld get the somthing of the same function for a lower price..why not?"
my late dad worked as a police officer and he often had to overtime and work extra hours so he could bring back JUST enuff for us..that too at times, things at times were insufficient.he packed his food everyday from home..back then i always tell him to buy..i didnt understnd how tuff life was for him..
as a child ,too, i always envied children that has bigger houses,a hot shower in their bathroom, lots of toys,who gets $2 to school instead of $0.50 and many more..i remembered those cries as a kid when i wanted a toy soo bad and dad couldnt afford it..toys were more of rewards back then for studying really hard...in primary school days, toys were the only reasons why i studied really hard..ocassionally, my late aunt would get me toy or two..n that was it...as a kid you dont undestand the value of hardship or how tuff life is for your parents to make end meets...
" ayah belikan kalau kau dapat top 5 dalam kelas" ( "dad will buy you if your the top 5 in your class") ....that was my motivation...it was tuff..neither was i a born genius till i was primary 4 where things suddenly got clearer...fractions,multiplication, grammers,nouns and things that were soo tuff b4 got easy..i understood all of it always got the 1st 3 in class..i got my Optimus Prime at primary 4..my fav toy that i eyed for years...it came with the back cargo trailer wif a car and a gun to it..i always cherish that n wished i still have it rite now..
then in secondary, things were different..it was tuffer..$3 a day? what can u buy?its either i eat during recess or save it for lunch remedials later plus there were the class funds,worksheets to pay n all that stuff. tuff to make do wif $3..i often ask for more from my mom which would end up she arguing wif my dad...most of the times..i skipped recess to save up for after school remedials..if im too hungry, i just have bread and coke..which cost about $0.80 which leaves $2.20 for after school remedials or soccer..that was for 4 yrs in sec school..i got several scholarships and bursaries which were used wisely...
poly..was either $4 or $5 a day..barely enuff, as cost materials are much more expensive..still i envied my poly mates who has cash to spare for movies and mcdonalds and many more that were considered "luxury"...i dont wear levis tees or jeans, i dun carry designer bags like my poly mates back then but only wore cheap jeans with no brands,carried a nike bag that i bought from working at Revenue House while waiting for my Os results..it was tuff when you have rich classmates that sits at starbucks, coffee beans each time during breaks...i wanted to work part time after schools but my dad would never allow me to as he kept telling me it was his responsibilities and i am only allowed to do so during term breaks..that was when i bought my 1st few "luxury" items...working as a park attendent or in factories..
while all time, i did learn to save up and as i grew older, understood how tuff earning a living is..
things were smooth when i got my 1st real work as a service engineer.$1.5K..i manage to put aside money for savings, mom, trsport and some entertaintment..till dad got really sick...took too many leave to take him to and fro the hospital that eventually my pay was cut..n i still remember when he told me he had not enuff to pay up for the M.R.I and CT scan which amounted up to certain amount..sis forked out 500 and i forked out the remaining..almost half my savings wiped out in a day..
when he got admitted, things got tighter..it got worse when he past aways..bearing the guitly fof makingthe final decision was already tuff,the unpaid leaves left me only wif $900 to take home...only god knows how tight was it everyday...at work, things were not any better as ppl started to complain about me not being there n eventually situation forced me to resign...that was one of the tightest and down moments in life..i will remember it always..juggling emotional , mental n finance challenges....i got out of it and eventually things improved..
looking back, i do know what he meant when he said "you will only know when you got thru it"..dad grabbed my hand n showed a thumbs up saying "i can do it" before moving on.i managed to talk to him one nite b4 he passed away on what he told me the sacrifies he made..as a child i didnt understand what a husband and a dad has to do......
now,im married now to a lovely woman n i finaly understood what a husband has to sacrifies.i am prepapred to give up my own pleasire for my wife. it was my promise to her..i have my own company n despite the problems i face and mistakes made in this venture, i have learnt dearly and making things right...it gona take some time..a month or two, max 3 to get back things running up...but what life taught me...i should persevere when you believe you gonna make it...n thats what i do..cos at the end of the day...its past experience that made me wiser and stronger...n i will get thru tis even when the goings gets tuff...
to my mom: thank you for your patience and all the hardships you got into in bringin me up..i love you..
to my late dad: its true. only when you are in it, you understand..n im prepare for things to come..i wont give up cos it my promise to u to uphold the name..i love you..
to my wondeful wife: my source of inspiration...her patience will be paid off insyallah..im sorry for any "kekurangan"...it will improve and we will avoid making the mistakes we made in the company..im working what i promised you. i love you..
with love,
me
Rest My CaSe at 12:27 PM
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Title: Sometimes when we touch...
Never overlook the power of touch..proven by numerous research - they have shown that touch is a powerful tool that heals emotionally and spiritually.
Babies that are hugged, held and kissed develop healthier emotional life than those that are left without any physical contact. A physical touch between two lovers can make or break a relationship.Touch communicates love or hate. The message a touch sends out is far louder than the words "I love you" or "I hate you"..it is an action that speaks itself..whether its holding hands, kissing, embracing or more it speaks the emotional love to one's partner. To most, without it, one may feel unloved..With it, the emotional tank is filled and they will feel much more secure..
I remember reading this article in a column where a husband and a wife withdrew themselves sexually due to some martial problems and whatever the wife or husband did, they cld never convince each other that he/she really loved her/him..what the writer (who is a therapist) found out was that to some, the other things meant "sex" as well...when either one is sexually responsive, the other would feel secure in the partners love..when the wife withdrew from him sexually,none of the wife culinary skill cld convince the husband that she really loves him..and vise versa...nothing the husband did cld convince the wife that he really loved her..what it conclude was--nothing cld ever substitute what one considered to be "love"- physical touch of each other.
Thru the example above, it explains why do in times of crisis we hug one another...it is this physical touch that is a communicator of love.,in times of crisis, more than anything we need to feel loved. Certain things and events,cant be changed, but we can survive if we feel loved. The most important thing you can do for your partner to love him/her in times of crisis. The words may mean a little but it is your physical touch that tells your partner or love ones that you care. That gentle and kind touch will be remembered for long time even after the crisis but the absence of that touch may not be forgotten.
To many of us, we yearn and long for our partners to reach out to us emotionally and physically. Simple gestures running thru the hair, giving a back rub,massage ,holding hands or even making love and other "love touches" are the emotional lifeline of a person.It is that physical touch that heals emotionally..
To readers, never ever leave our the importance of physical touch to your love ones..Becos at the end of the day...a touch always speaks a lot more than just "i love you"...one can "fly" without wings when the emotional tank is filled up..as the saying goes from the movie jerry maguire...if the heart is empty, the head does not matter any more..so love you love ones, caress them or touch them,and to some extend it will heal and deepens your relationship.
Im no love guru..but whatever i write are my thoughts and what i usually see thru others, feel or from my own experience..have a gd day reading this..
space out
me.
Rest My CaSe at 9:52 AM
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Title: Sunshine..
The weather has been pretty unpredictable lately.Rain and shine at the most unexpected timings making lots feeling sick.I have to admit that just like the weather i had a bad week last week.Fever,the company things,home and my personal self well..everything stinks.i shant go too much into details on things...but im glad that some things are settled and after last week im just hoping for a better week ahead.
Like after every storm, theres sunshine and calm days.It takes a lot to see the sunshine if the storm doesnt past so fast.One has to go thru the storm, endure the cold and thunder just to wait for the sun.But like every stormcloud the sunshine is there hidden behind.
For me, im just waiting for the sun..when its out the birds will cirp again and flowers will blossom once again.Nothing more for the week ahead.nothing more.
To my dear: Happy Anniversary.I always hope for the best of us in everything we do.Rain or shine, i will always be there for you.I love you, my sunshine.x x x
me
Listening to Nash-Tiada lagi kidung mu
Rest My CaSe at 11:03 AM
